We won't sleep together?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
