we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
