Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
