Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
They are going to name an STD after you.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
