she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
