If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
