i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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