my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
