To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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