"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
