Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
