So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
