if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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