I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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