The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
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we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
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Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
be right there i have to get my cape
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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