please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
