Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
