You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
