Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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