totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
