MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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