You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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