I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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