cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
