OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You left your phone here
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