wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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