Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
