I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
