Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
