I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
