Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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