I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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