Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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