I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
