There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
