Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
