Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
