Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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