remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize