I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He did a backflip because drugs
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
