well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
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