batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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