she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
