In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
