The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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