"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
