So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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