I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
