I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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