tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
if only i could text you this smell
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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