dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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