i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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