You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
