and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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