she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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