Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We had sex on a dog bed..
Dick very happy bro
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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