Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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