I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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