My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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