I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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