I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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