Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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